For the past few nights (and midnights), I have found myself unconsciously reminiscing my beloved past. I have been reading my previous blog entries, watching videos and looking at old pictures. And most of the time, I feel unusually sad that I can’t go back in time to relive these memories.
For example, tonight, I’ve read about American Idol and how it’s about to have its final season in 2016. I can’t help but think about the times when my brother and I would use to argue whether it was David Cook or David Archuleta (Team Archie forever!), or Kris Allen or Adam Lambert (thank you Kris for winning!). Then I remember the night my sister and I watched the American Idols LIVE! Tour, my first concert ever, which featured Jessica Sanchez and Phillip Phillips. It used to be my favorite show, but in a year it’s about to end. Times are changing.
Everything is changing. I’m currently a medical technology intern in World Citi Medical Center, and I have a little less than two months before my next hospital assignment. Then I’ll meet new people and face new experiences again. More changes will face me. Then after six months, I’ll be graduating. Then I’ll be taking the medical technology boards. Then I don’t know. I have to make some big decisions. I don’t want to yet. I just want to be where I am today, and do whatever I am doing right now. I just want to be with the people I am with. I want change to go away.
Then the cliché statement about change pops up into my mind. “Everything changes except change itself,” it says. It’s such a tough reality when I’m having the time of my life right now. I am very happy with where I am, with the people I am with. I would be extremely sad if I would stop seeing them all of a sudden. I see change as a cruel bully that keeps me from being happy for more than just a short time.
But then I thought, this doesn’t make sense. I have felt this way before, too, when I was in my senior year in high school. Everything was changing that time, too. College was coming up, and I had to move to Manila to pursue my studies. I had to live away from my family, with only my sister with me in the metropolis. I didn’t know how to commute at that time, and we didn’t have the luxury of a car to get around the city. I remember loathing change that time, wishing that high school would last forever.
Perhaps this sadness is just a phase or a coping mechanism. The past is truly a magical place. You remember those wonderful moments. You remember the people you were with during those moments. It’s impossible not to feel sad about the past. But although I miss the past, I definitely won’t wallow in it. Besides, I’ve gone through this phase before, and I’ve conquered it, although unconsciously. There will be nights that I will reminisce and feel a little sad, but I have to go on with the present. I used to fear where I am now, but where I am now is a happy place. Who I am now is a happy person. What have I to fear?
Change will always be there, but time is running out. I’m growing old. I have so many things to do, and I have to start right now. For now, the beautiful past must remain as past, but it will be forever remembered as I go on with the adventures that await me in the future.
END NOTE: I wrote this around 1 a.m., so please excuse me if I rambled a bit. :)
Ideas Express 